I have once read an article where the writer was giving out a series of detailed advice on how parents should talk to their children without hurting them.
I willingly read it, believing that I would find even more advice on spiritual empowerment as it unfolded.
In my great surprise though, I soon discovered that the writer was encouraging the parents to avoid using words such as “bravo”, “you are perfect” and “you made it”, claiming to be dangerous for the child’s brain.
Instead of using these words, the writer suggested a series of complex and difficult phrases that would suite better during a diplomatic dinner than a family full of love and respect.
As a mother and a holistic therapist, I find the article unworthy to the least. Clearly, whoever wrote this, is not a parent but more likely someone who copied the article out of a cheap lifestyle American magazine that desperately tries to fill its pages.
I strongly suggest you say “bravo” to your children. Tell them how amazing and perfect they are even if they do something wrong. Making mistakes is a necessary factor during a child’s learning process.
Tell them that even their mistakes are perfect because they made them with their own unique way! Talk to your children clearly, using known and specific words and, most importantly, talk to them from the bottom of your heart. This way your children will be able to identify and embrace the meaning of pure emotional truth. This will also help them develop a strong relationship with their own emotions as they grow. Do not treat them as if they are employees working at the Commission ready to be trained in order to become diplomats. Have some mercy.
Love is a spontaneous feeling. It does not work with weights and measures and it has nothing to do with mind – based combinations. It is not a mental function. It is an emotional one.
Additionally, the love we offer to others clearly depends on our very own emotional intelligence, which is defined not only by our childhood experiences, but also by the way we have encountered our traumas during adulthood.
In my opinion, articles like this one only refer to parents that want to manipulate their children through control and perfectionism.
What gives a child value is a hug, the patience to hear your child’s stories, the patience to answer all those “why’s’’ and endless questions and above all, all those beautiful words that humanity has been using throughout time in order to express specific meanings and emotions.
“I love you, bravo, that’s beautiful, that ‘s perfect, I am so glad to have such a great child like yourself, let me give you a hug”. Repeat to your child until these words are well absorbed and until they have encouraged the child to love itself deeply.
Only then will the child be happy and, eventually, make others around it happy as it grows up. It is always better to have something extra; if you feel it weighting on you, you just put it on the side relevantly easy. On the other hand though, if there is something missing, you constantly try to fill the gap. Love your children unconditionally and if one day they have a little extra love in their pockets, do not worry; they will eventually give some of it to someone else.
If you worry that your child might turn up selfish because of all the love, then also teach it logic, mindfulness, kindness, patience and ethics.